chapter 2

I lost my long hair because I refused to take my medication, and this led a nurse to cut my hair with scissors.

She said a lunatic like me did not need to grow long hair.

Linda comforted me by saying, "It's okay, Ellen. Now that you're out, you can grow it back."

Her voice was not so clear to me because I was somewhat lost.

I was sure that I won't have long hair any longer.

I used to do it because Daniel liked girls with long hair.

Now, I didn’t like him anymore.

I spaced out for a moment. When I looked up, I realized everyone was staring at me.

Ada held her child, looking pitiful as if someone had given her a hard time.

Before I could understand what had happened, Daniel's cold voice came.

He said with disgust, "What are you doing? Ada was talking to you just now."

I was stunned, not knowing what I should do.

The truth was that I didn’t catch what she said because of my poor hearing.

In the second week at the hospital, I tried to escape. When the doctor knew my intention, he slapped me hard.

Because my eardrum was perforated, I became deaf in my left ear. Gradually, even my right ear started to develop a hearing disability.

Daniel looked at me with disappointment in his eyes because I hurt the person he cared about once again.

"You’ve spent three years in the hospital, but you don’t even know how to apologize. Should I send you back there?" he asked.

My lips trembled violently. To everyone’s surprise, I slapped myself as if someone had controlled me.

They were all shocked.

I saw the astonishment in Daniel's eyes. He was at a loss.

"Shut up, Daniel!" Linda scolded him. She tenderly pulled me to sit down and said, "Oh, my poor girl! Don’t hurt yourself!"

I looked down again and whispered, "I'm sorry, Linda. I meant to apologize..."

I forgot that I was not in the hospital.

When I made doctors angry, I had to repeatedly slap myself and say I was sorry.

Later, we finally began to have dinner.

"Ellen, I cooked chicken for you. You should eat more nutritious food," said Linda.

I looked at the chicken, feeling sick.

I hadn't eaten meat for three years. Therefore, the smell disgusted me.

Unfortunately, before I could tell Linda about my feelings, I heard Daniel say, "Have a taste. My mom made it especially for you."

I knew Daniel was reminding me not to let Linda down.

I held back the feeling of nausea and wolfed the chicken down.

I behaved so badly at the table that everyone frowned. They must be convinced that I was indeed mentally ill.

I was unable to care about others’ opinions. I kept eating while compelling myself to put up with the sickness.

In the end, I failed.

I rushed into the restroom, leaned over the sink, and vomited violently.

Old memories were attacking me. Those people put raw meat into my mouth and forced me to swallow it.

This was how they punished me because I refused to eat the spoiled food in the cafeteria.

Linda came to the restroom and hugged me. She asked, "Ellen, what's wrong?"

I looked guilty and apologized, "I'm sorry, Linda. I didn’t mean to waste food. I just felt sick."

Tears welled up in Linda's eyes. She said, "Sorry, Ellen. It’s my fault. You didn’t have to do what you dislike."

I hung my head and didn’t look up until I saw a pair of leather shoes.

Daniel was there. I begged to him in a humble voice, "I didn't mean to hurt Linda’s feelings. Please don't send me back. I'll behave myself. I won't do it again. Please!"

Perhaps the fear in my eyes was too apparent. Daniel couldn’t react soon.

"I won’t send you back as long as you’re living like a normal person," he said.

I nodded my head nonstop.

If I had known that falling in love with Daniel would come at such a high cost, I would rather never have met him.

Seeing my pale face, Linda had a maid take me upstairs to have a rest.

At the door to the room, I couldn't move forward.

It was my bedroom before I went to the hospital. I chose it as my room because the next one was Daniel’s.

Back then, I firmly believed that Daniel loved me. He didn’t tell me just because he was distant as usual and not good at expressing himself.